So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
