So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
