I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
