so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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