My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
