She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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