he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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