my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
