I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
