He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
