Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
