Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
