addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize