My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
