the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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