He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
