Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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