im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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