his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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