Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
