Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
