i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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