Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
