You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
