My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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