Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
