so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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