About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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