my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
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road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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