The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How external is "for external use only"?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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