you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
