there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
