i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We are two peas in an std pod
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
