I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
