wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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