If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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