____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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