Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
