so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
