i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
