No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
