got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
