I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they need to just BURY HIM!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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