we have officially lost it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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