I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
