You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
