My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
