sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
