Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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