Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
