Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
