respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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