I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
