Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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