you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
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