Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize