Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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