Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
