As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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