so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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