Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
