She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
