lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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