i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
