I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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