The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
