ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
