If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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