a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
