you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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