hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
