ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

  Fav 27 1120 3116

  share tweet
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.

  Fav 29 1869 2238

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

  Fav 75 1278 15828

  share tweet
  

• (801): View more from Utah

  My underwear smells like fireworks.

  Fav 19 5005 1069

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

  Fav 74 2057 12533

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

  Fav 11 6583 1907

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Fav 32 10090 2435

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.

  Fav 4 2563 1254

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed

  Fav 2 1514 737

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.

  Fav 12 3695 891

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

  Fav 9 2067 1040

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (435): View more from Utah

  Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.

  Fav 6 774 688

  share tweet
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.

  Fav 1 825 655

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  You should frame my arrest warrant.

  Fav 3 363 237

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.

  Fav 0 18 37

  share tweet
  

Randomize