Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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