I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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