Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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