In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
