she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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