I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
