I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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