his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
