I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
