So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
