Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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