Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
