Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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