Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
