Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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